You Choose

In my young adult years, I made a really stupid decision. (Well, several actually, but today I'm going to talk about just one of them.) The consequences of which I have carried with me each day since. 

In 2004, I was home for the summer after my first year at university. I was hanging out with my older sister at a her in-laws ranch. We had been having fun riding go carts with her kids, when I got he stupid idea to ask if I could try out her dirt bike. I'd never been on a dirt bike, and for years I had asked my sister let me take a ride on one. I guess by this time I was an adult and my sister thought that I was ready (as a youth, my father would have never approved), so she said yes. I guess we both had a dumb moment where we didn't think things through, because I hopped on that powerfully fast YZ250 and thought that I'd just go for a little ride.

5 seconds.

That's how long I was on the bike before the bike was on me. 

Obviously I had no idea what I was doing and ended up cat walking on the back wheel before the bike fell back on me and bent my left leg back, tearing cartilage and my ACL. I was in A LOT of pain.

I don't really know why it took me so long to end up in a orthopaedic surgeon's office, but in 2006 I had reconstructive surgery to repair my knee. After surgery came the long and messy healing process, that included in a 3 week hospital stay due to infection, of which I never fully recovered. 

I was pretty depressed about my knee. Always in pain. Always aching. For years, I would let this be my excuse to not being able to be a fit and healthy person. I was afraid to exercise, fearing I would re-injure myself. Fearing the pain. I remember a couple of years ago, sitting at home with my two girls in the living room and feeling sad and restless. As I looked out the window, I saw a woman run past down the sidewalk. She looked so fit, so healthy, so vibrant, so happy.

And I just bawled my eyes out.

"That can never be me!" I said to myself."I will never be abel to run. I will never climb a mountain. I will never be able to play soccer with my kids. I will never go skiing. I will never be abel to kneel during family prayer. I will never . . . I will never . . . I will never . . . " I cursed my body, my knee, those 5 seconds on that dirt bike. One choice. Once stupid choice! 

I let that choice define me for a really long time. 

This summer, I reached a crossroads. I could keep on living my life the way I had defined it for myself: overweight and out of shape, or I could change. 

I chose to change. 

I took ownership of my unhealthy choices and decided I was going to live a healthy life. I was going to exercise. I was going to move my body, however unfamiliar and awkward I felt. Still, I was nervous about how far a could push myself and my knee. I was afraid I'd push myself to hard and be unable to walk without flinching in pain. So I started out simply and slowly: short runs, shallow squats, low impact exercises. 

It felt awesome.

Then Malorie challenged me to run a mile. I nervous and skeptical . . . but, I did it. I ran a mile! And not only that, I didn't feel any pain in my knee! I remember praying that night on the track, thanking God for blessing my mind and body, allowing me to run without pain and giving me the confidence I needed to do it, to do all of this. Then, a couple of weeks later I ran 3.6km! I couldn't even believe it! ME! Running! I'm not even close to calling myself a "runner", but I am seeing the potential in myself to become one (as long as I'm sure not to push myself/my knee too far, of course). Baby steps. 

So here's my food for thought. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHOOSE. Whatever decisions you or I have made in the past, are in the past. You can either let those decisions follow you around for the rest of your life, or you can move forward and define your life by other measures. Sure, my knee injury will be something I have to live with for the rest of my life, but I am not going to let that be my excuse.

So I'm going to ask you in a totally loving and non-judgemental way: What's your excuse? What's holding you back from becoming who you want to be, your true self? Is there something you can change today? It doesn't have to be monumental, either. It can be something as simple as drinking more water, taking the stairs, eating less sugar, or at least choosing to be kinder to yourself.

"If you want something you've never had,

you're going to have to try something you've never done."

- random dude on TLC's 19 Kids and Counting 

 And I totally believe it.